KISH GETS A TIME OUT

A WEEK AGO THIS WOMAN I'VE BEEN MARRIED TO FOR 33 YEARS PROVES TO ME THAT THERE IS NO WAY I'M EVER GOING TO FIGURE HER OUT.

SHE ASKED ME IF I WANTED US TO ACCOMPANY THE JOHNSONS' ON A THREE DAY MOTORCYCLE TRIP.  O.K.  WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SNAKIE?

THIS IS US AT THE MCKENZIE PASS OUTSIDE OF SISTERS OREGON.  WHO KNEW THAT SHE WAS A BIKER BABE?
WE SPENT THE FIRST NIGHT AT BELLKNAP HOT SPRINGS THEN HEADED OUT TO JOHN DAY OREGON THE NEXT MORNING

THIS IS JUDY AND JOHNSONS' SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NOWHERE THAT PASSES FOR NORTH CENTRAL OREGON.
WE LEFT THE JOHNSONS AT JOHN DAY.  THE WERE HEADED TO MONTANA AND CANADA FOR ANOTHER WEEK OF RIDING.

WE RODE HOME THROUGH PILOT ROCK. PENDLETON, AND SPENT THE NIGHT IN HERMESTON OR.

THE NEXT DAY TOOK US THROUGH YAKIMA, WHITE PASS, AND HOME.  961 MILES AND NOT A WORD OF COMPLAINT.  ATTA GIRL SNAKIE.

OH YEAH, KISH HAD TO SIT THIS ONE OUT AND BOY IS HE WHIZZED.  SOMETHING ABOUT PEEING ON OUR PILLOW AT NIGHT.   NOT TO WORRY HE'S JUST A STUFFED MONKEY...OR IS HE?

THIS IS KISH WITH CAT/DOG.  HE'S TIMMY'S PET.  THE CAT THINKS IT IS A DOG.  IT FETCHES, IT ROLLS OVER ON COMMAND, IT BARKS, COMES WHEN WHISTLED AT, AND IT EATS DOG FOOD.  HEY..IT'S TIMMY'S PET...GO FIGURE.

THEY ARE HOME. YIPPEE.  7561 MILES AND 30 DAYS LATER THEY MADE IT BACK.  THERE WERE MANY LESSONS LEARNED AND MANY ADVENTURES EXPERIENCED.  FOR EXAMPLE:  STAY AWAY FROM PRETTY YOUNG MISSES.  THEY WILL TRY TO ADOPT YOU. 

BUT WHAT'S A HANDSOME YOUNG MONKEY TO DO?  GOOD LOOKS COME WITH A PRICE.

EVEN PRETTY NOT SO YOUNG MISSES WILL TRY TO KIDNAP YOU.

THAT'S MY BIG SISTER.  SHE KNEW KISH WHEN HE WAS GOING THOUGH THE TWELVE STEPS AT A.A. 

NEXT LESSON: DON'T PLAY POOL WITH A GORILLA.  THEY CHEAT.  WELL THEY CHEAT BETTER THAN YOU DO ANYWAY.

DON'T SAY MINE IS BIGGER THAN YOURS UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE IT.

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT A BEAR DOES IN THE WOODS DON'T VOLUNTEER TO GET UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH THE WHOLE PROCESS.

 LAST LESSON: MAKE NEW FRIENDS OUT OF OLD FREINDS.

THESE ARE THE HINCKLEY'S.  OUR BUDDS IN TEXAS FROM WAY BACK.

A VERY GOOD TRIP.  NOW TO REST UP FOR THE NEXT ADVENTURE........

KISH HEADS HOME

SO THE MONKEY IS GETTING HOME SICK.  AS IS HIS DRIVER.  IT'S TIME TO DO LIKE FOREST GREELEY SAID IN THE  1800'S. " HEAD WEST YOUNG MONKEY ...HEAD WEST. " EXPLAINS A LOT ABOUT CALIFORNIANS DOESN'T IT? 

KISH DECIDED THAT IS WAS TIME TO TRADE IN HIS SUNRISE CHALLENGED DRIVER FOR SOMEONE A LITTLE LESS "EXPERIENCED". THIS CHICKIE PIE WAS HIS ONLY TAKER , AND SHE DIDN'T HAVE A DRIVERS' LICENSE AND KISH DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND THREE MONTHS LOOKING AT A HORSES BEHIND..(DON'T GO THERE).. SO HE OPTED TO STAY WITH THE SNAKIE.    TWAS NOT TO BE CHERIE.

SO AFTER A QUICK VISIT TO THE LOCAL MONKEY G.R.A.S.S.S. CATHEDRAL...(IT'S A BRANCH OF THE GEORGIAN REFORMED AMALGAMATED STUFFED SIMIAN SECT).. OFF THEY WENT CHASING THE SUNSET.

FIRST STOP WAS THE HINCKLEY'S IN TEXAS.  YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT THE LARGE TRAFFIC JAM THAT DALLAS EXPERIENCED LAST WEEK.  THE LAME STREAM NEWS REPORTS SAID THAT IT WAS CAUSED BY THE OPENING OF THE FIRST  TEXAN "IN AND OUT" DRIVE IN.  NUTS TO THAT.  FOX NEWS BROKE THE TRUE STORY. IT WAS CAUSED BY ALL THE TEXICANS WANTING TO MEET KISH.

IT'S THE FRIES BABY, IT'S THE FRIES.

THE ADVENTURE IS ALMOST OVER.......

THIS IS PROOF THAT KISH MADE IT TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.  HE STARTED HIS JOURNEY AT THE  PACIFIC AND IT WAS HIS INTENTION TO PUT HIS FEET IN THE ATLANTIC BUT THE CUTSEY LITTLE MISS WOULDN'T ALLOW IT.

"KISH." SHE CRIED, "THE LOBSTERS WILL THINK YOU'RE FOOD AND EAT YOU."

"OR WORSE....A BUG BLUE FISH MIGHT CARRY YOU AWAY AND GIVE YOU TO SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS...AND THAT'S A FATE WORSE THAN BEING PUT IN A TRUNK IN THE ATTIC FOR THE REST OF EVER."

SO KISH WENT BACK TO UNCLE TIMMY'S AND CHILLED OUT ON A FLOATY IN TIMMY'S  POOL.  SMART OL' KISH.

NOT BEING ONE TO WASTE TIME, KISH FIGURED THAT MAYBE HE'D BE ABLE TO CATCH SOMETHING TO EAT.  BETTER TO EAT THAN BE EATEN.

I MEAN IF MR FINGERS (KATIE'S MIDDLE CHILD) CAN FISH A WADING POOL SO CAN A STUFFED MONKEY.

THE ADVENTURE WILL CONTINUE.........

KISH HEADS EAST

IT'S FATHERS' DAY.  WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE A FOUR OUNCE STUFFED MONKEY WITH NO FATHER. (KNOCK IT OFF.. HE WAS ASSEMBLED IN SOME SWEAT SHOP OUTSIDE OF CHUNGKING.)  WELL THAT'S SIMPLE....YOU ADOPT ONE. 

NOW I REALLY DON'T THINK JOSEPH SMITH WOULD MIND...MUCH.  AFTER ALL KISH DOES NEED A GOOD ROLE MODEL AND WHO BETTER?  THIS SHOT WAS TAKEN AT THE LIBERTY JAIL.  THERE'S TWO WORDS THAT SHOULD NEVER APPEAR BACK TO BACK.

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF WYOMING JUDY ASKS KISH, "WHERE ARE WE?" AFTER SPENDING 2 HOURS EXPLORING THE SURROUNDINGS HE ANSWERS "MILE POST 106".  HE'S SUCH A GREAT HELP ON A LONG JOURNEY.

WHAT DOES A STUFFED MONKEY DO AFTER A LONG DAY IN THE SMART CAR?  HE CHILLS OUT IN THE POOL WITH TIMMY M.  HE HAD TO HOLD ON TILL THEY GOT TO ALBANY GA.  BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT.  NOTICE THE TWO GRINS.

TIMMY IS JUDY'S YOUNGER BROTHER.  KISH CAN'T SWIM, SO TIMMY VOLUNTEERED TO BE HIS LIFE GUARD.  I'LL LET YOU GUESS WHO COOLED OFF QUICKER.

TO BE CONTINUED.......

THE MONKEY MAKES HIS MARK

BEFORE KISH LEFT ON HIS TRIP HE DECIDED TO TAKE UP THE GUITAR.  HE LEARNED "ON THE ROAD AGAIN",  "BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN",  "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST",  AND "HERE WE COME", (THE THEME SONG  FROM THE MONKEES).  LUCKILY THEY'RE ALL PLAYED WITH THE SAME THREE CHORDS.  THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE HE ONLY HAS THREE FINGERS.

LUCKY FOR KISH...IT'S ALSO A LIGHTER.

JUMPING OFF POINT FOR THE TRIP WAS MY OFFICE.  AS YOU CAN SEE KISH HAS A GREAT VIEW FROM HIS SEAT IN MOLLY.  NOT TO WORRY ABOUT  HIM GOING THROUGH THE WINDOW IN A CRASH.  HIS BEHIND IS DUCT TAPED TO THE DASHBOARD. OH, BY THE WAY, THAT'S HIS CHAUFFEUR, JUDY.

KISH PROMISED BEFORE HE LEFT THAT HE WOULD FIND SOME DANDELIONS TO PUT ON MY PARENTS GRAVES.  HE EVEN HAD AN EMPTY ORANGE JUICE CAN TO PUT THEM IN..AS MY FATHER REQUESTED.  DAD HATED TO SPEND MONEY ON THINGS HE CONSIDERED TO BE A RACKET.  HE MADE ME PROMISE THAT ONLY O.J. CANS AND FREE ROAD SIDE YELLOW FLOWERS WOULD ADORN HIS TOMBSTONE.  AS IT HAPPENED KISH JUST MISSED THE DANDELION SEASON AND SO THESE FLOWERS WERE PURCHASED AT A LOCAL SAFEWAY....ON SALE.   I'LL DEAL WITH DAD LATER.

SO THIS IS THE MONKEY LEAVING HIS MARK ON IDAHO.  CHUBBUCK, IDAHO TO BE EXACT.  IT'S NOT WELL KNOWN THAT STUFFED MONKEYS CAN LEAVE DEVASTATING "BUTT RUTTS" IN ANY AND ALL THINGS THEY SIT ON.  IF YOU EVER FIND YOURSELF IN CHUBBUCK. IDAHO CHECK OUT THE RUT HE LEFT IN THIS SIGN.

MORE ADVENTURES COMING.

MY MIGHTY MONKEY'S MATRIARCHAL MARCH

SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED AND FUZZY? 

SIMPLE .... YOU INVITE YOURSELF ALONG FOR A CROSS COUNTRY TRIP.
JUDY'S GOING ON A CROSS COUNTRY GENOLOLGY TRIP AND THE MONKEY BEGGED A RIDE.

HE STARTED IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN.  THAT'S HIM  HOLDING ON TO A STICK AS THE SEA CRASHES ABOUT HIM.  IF YOU DOUBLE CLICK THE PHOTO YOU'LL SEE THE CONCERN ON HIS FACE.

THIS SHOW 'S THE LAZY PRIMATE AS HE CONTEMPLATES THE FACT THAT HE CAN'T SWIM.  HE CAN FLOAT.  BUT IT'S A LONG WAY TO KOREA, SO JUDY WILL TRY TO KEEP HIS PAWS DRY.

MORE UPDATES TO FOLLOW.

IT'S NICE TO HAVE LARGE PALS.

                                        WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN DANGER,
                                    WHEN YOU'RE THREATEND BY A STRANGER,
                                  WHEN YOU'RE BEING BEATEN BY SOME GOMER.
                                      REMEMBER THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE
                                         WHO WILL COME AND RESCUE YOU..
                                       JUST CALL OUT FOR NUCLEAR HOMER!!!

                                            (SUNG TO THE SUPER CHICKEN THEME)

                    WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUPER CHICKEN.

                                                     (IGONORANT SAVAGE)

KISH LEARNS TO SHARE

SO THE MONKEY IS A LITTLE SELFISH.  ACTUALLY HE'S A LOT SELFISH.  IT COMES FROM BEING THE LITTLEST MONKEY IN HIS LITTER.

ALONG COMES JAKE THE SNAKE FOR A VISIT AND JAKE WANTS A RIDE ON THE MO-MO-CYLE.

TWENTY FIVE FINGER NAILS BEING SCRAPED ACCROSS A BLACKBOARD IS SOMEWHAT EASIER TO STOMACH THAN THE SCREECH OF A SELFISH STUFFED MONKEY. 

BUT ALAS......REASON AND THE THREAT OF NO MORE MONKEY CHOW BEAR SWAY AND JAKE THE SNAKE GETS HIS RIDE.

The Perfect Sleep.

First of all .....no, it's not me.  Second ...it has nothing to do with Kish.  But man o' man does this shot tell volumes.
1) I am perfectly happy with who I am. (no cover or tent to hide behind)
2) I am single.  (No wife would allow such a display.)
3) I am successful. (I don't care who sees me or what they think.)
4) I am not from around these parts. (see above)
5) This chair is rated mega, mondo, super durable. (The apt. below him should worry however.)
6) I am not this big in my dreams. (look at his facial expression)

(Double click him)

7) I'm sleeping on a cat.  You want him when I wake up?
8) If I ever get my hands on the photographer, I'll kill 'im. ('nuff said)

The Olympic Loop

The monkey loves to ride.  He doesn't like to ride tied to the back cushion so much but he loves to ride.  We tried something new...between the windshields.  As you can see the view is noticeably better  (no enabler butt) however riding above the windshield can force feed bugs down ones throat.  (I figure he's got to eat anyway and the bugs are free....but nooooo....  he no likey.)  Rotten high maintenance vegetarian monkey.  Back to the rear view lash down with  you.

We're out the door at 8am on the new adventure.  Three hours to Port Angeles via Shelton, then 90 minutes to Forks, and four more hours back home.  Kish Kumen is dead positive that we (four of us) are stark raving mad.  There is something unsettling about 4 grown adults that spend a whole day on the back of 4 vehicles whose ultimate objective and inborn natural desire is to fall over on their sides. Even sadder is the three days it will take to remove the giddy grin from their faces.

Half way into the trip Kish gets bike sick.  You ever cleaned monkey puke off a leather seat or an enabler's butt?  Me neither and I wasn't about to get my first chance.  So we pull over along Crescent Lake outside of Port Angeles.  Kish spews toxic waste onto the side posts and we all skidaddle before the EPA can arrest us.  This shot is 3 seconds pre-puke.

This next shot was tricky. For years all I heard was Team Jacob this and Team Edward that.  You'd think that Kish was an adolescent girl or worse..... one of my daughters.  Take me to Forks.  I want to see the vampires.  I want to run with the werewolves. I want to hold Bellas' hand.  (I can't believe I knew that much about that Twilight poo-poo, ca ca, doodie.)  So here's proof that I took the little whiner to Forks.

Here's more proof.

Adventure one is over.  

Tigger said it best.   T.T.F.N.

THIS IS KISH KUMEN.  AND YES, ....HE IS A MONKEY. A STUFFED MONKEY.  A LITTLE WEE STUFFED MONKEY.  BECAUSE OF HIS SIZE HE WAS SUBJECTED TO ALL KINDS AND MANNERS OF CRUELTY AS A CHILD.  PICKED ON AT RECESS, DEPANTSED AT LUNCH TIME, AND LEFT HOME ON FRIDAY NIGHTS WHILE ALL THE OTHER MONKEYS WERE SWINGING IN THE TREES AND PILFERING THE NEIGHBORS BANANAS.  WE THINK HIS MISTREATMENT HAD A LOT TO DO WITH HIS ALCOHOLISM LATER IN LIFE AND HIS BRIEF DABBLING WITH THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, (THE TWO SEEM PAINFULLY CONNECTED) BUT THEN THAT'S ANOTHER BLOG ENTRY.

THIS IS KISH'S RIDE.  HE MAKES ME TAKE HIM ON LONG TRIPS ON IT.  SINCE HIS LEGS ARE TOO SHORT TO REACH THE FLOOR BOARDS I AM FORCED TO LASH HIM TO THE BACK REST.

HE'S DRAGGING ME AROUND THE OLYMPIC LOOP TOMMORROW.  I'LL  GET SOME EVIDENCE OF HIS INHUMANE CRUELTY TOWARDS ME.

THE EVIL MONKEY.

IT BEGINS

WHAT FOLLOWS WILL BE THE TRUE LIFE ADVENTURES AND SEEDY HISTORY OF THE WORLD'S SMALLEST AND MOST WELL TRAVELED STUFFED GIBBON.

PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION SO AS NOT TO MISS ANY OF THE NUANCES AND CRAPOLA THAT IS HIS LIFE.

THIS IS THE FIRST BLOG.  I BEG YOUR PATIENCE WHILE I MASTER THIS CRAFT.

K.K.'S ENABLER